Since when

Since when the "gathering" becomes an obligation?

While other people are all so excited about it, I just feel tired of it...
I know I dont want to go, I dont want to pretend that I am happy with those people, those who I am barely know...but I have to go, 'cause it has became one of my obligations
How funny is it! I am not the one who called for this gathering, neither the one who is most excited about this, I might be the one who is the most unwilling to participate, but I have to get there earlier than anyone else just because we cannot reserve a table for lunch! It is a huge joke...

When I served as the board manager, I had to participate in although I was unwilling to, 'cause it is really part of the manager's obligations, and I accept that. Now I am just "someone", maybe most of them never heared of me, but I still have to show up as some "leader" or "someone in charge" to organize this event. I just cannot figure out the reason, maybe it's just because I am not good at saying "no" to anyone, then I have to accept the truth that I have and I would continue to do something that I dont like or I dont wanna.

So is it teaching me something? Maybe or maybe not.
I have learnt this for many times, I know I have to learn how to say "no" even to someone really close, or face some temoprary uncomfortable situation to avoid the emerging unhappiness in my heart. I dont wanna be a bad person to others especially my friends, but this has and will put me in a bad situation.

The good news is...at least I could meet some friends tomorrow, maybe we could have a good chat. That's the only hope I hold for the "gathering".